I am enough

 by Ruby Rising

One of the greatest core beliefs I have had to contend with is the notion that somehow I am fundamentally flawed at my core. It has been a process to discover the plan my Father in heaven has for me and to accept His purpose for me. In contemplating this, I have discovered that this struggle has been common for mankind from the garden of Eden. Our purpose and identity have been hijacked by Satan in his false insinuations and jealousy to take from us what God has intended. In order to begin the process of healing, I have needed to understand the truth about me and God’s grace to give everything I lack and restore the purpose and relationship with Him that has been lost through sin. I believe that if we could just grab ahold of what God has for us, that we would have a peace that cannot be shaken, a faith in our Savior that will not waver, and hope that will sustain us through every trial.

God created Adam and Eve on the sixth day of creation. The Genesis record states that they were made in His own image and likeness, and in fact were declared “very good.” Genesis 1: 26, 31. They were enough. God created them exactly as He intended for them to be, and they were in fact the crowning act of His creation. Psalm 139: 14 says: “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” It was God’s intention to dwell with them, to commune with them and to provide them infinite opportunity to explore, grow, and deepen relationship with Him throughout the ceaseless ages of eternity.

However, they were created with limits. They were man and not God. As creature they were to be subservient to the boundaries which God as a God of love established for their good, welfare, and happiness. There was one who had grown discontented with the government of heaven and we are introduced to him in Genesis chapter three as Satan speaking to Eve through the voice of the serpent. First, he questioned God’s wisdom in prohibiting them from eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and then he insinuated that the tree would provide for them what God had not provided: that it would elevate them from the state they were in to the status of “gods.” In this, Satan implied that they were not “enough,” and that God had made a mistake in creating them. Eve believed the deceptions of Satan that the tree would provide for her something that God had not given her, and by eating of the fruit, she and Adam lost the blessings that God wanted to give them. This is the foundation for the struggle which many of us have and it is only in returning to the purpose God has for us, that we can be healed in this area of our lives.

I have come to the conclusion that God made me just the way He intended for me to be. My personality, my gifts, my imagination, and my character all are unique. Yet, because I am human and living in a world of sin, there are things in my life that need healing and restoration to bring me back to the fullness of what God wants for me. I was raised in a home where love and affection were never shown. I was neglected, screamed at, and could never do good enough. Thus, as a young adult who had never received unconditional love, I made relationship choices that brought more damage and ended up in a marriage with an abusive and controlling man. After a decade and a half of marriage to a man whose every motive was to take, manipulate, and control every aspect of my life, I came to a breaking point as I realized the intention of his actions and my soul struggled to be free. My parents’ accusations and my husband’s deceptions had taken deep root in my soul and often I felt about as worthy as the dirt under someone’s toenail. The anguish of my soul was real and terrifying. The load of shame and guilt I carried was monumental. How the world am I worth anything? What is even the purpose of my existence? What could God possibly see in me? How can I ever overcome the shame and fear that have been my identity all these years?

And then God opened a door for me. It is as the Psalmist says: “I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40: 1-3. I was able to escape that relationship. I was able to learn that in my captivity to fear and shame, that I had been serving my husband instead of God. The full force of the gospel was presented t me, and all my sins were washed away at the cross. What blessed freedom! What peace!

Since that experience, I have wrestled with the concept of my identity and “being enough.” I have pondered the psychology principles that espouse self- fulfillment, healing, and enlightenment. I struggled with this concept because the Bible is clear that “without me ye can do nothing.” John 15:5. Yesterday it clicked for me. I am enough just the way God made me. However, being human I have limits. I am not God. I am sinful and need salvation. However, the person that God made me to be is enough. I can look to Him for everything I need. I don’t have to cater to anyone else’s expectations. In fact, as I pondered these things I realized the peace that would come from being content with who I am and to looking to God to supply all that I lack.

I turned to one of my favorite verses in Scripture, 2 Corinthians 9:8: “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.” I looked up two words in the concordance from this verse: sufficiency, and grace. The word sufficiency (Strongs G842) means “self- satisfaction that is contentedness or a competence.” Grace (Strongs G5485) is “the divine influence upon the heart and its reflection in the life; including gratitude, acceptable, benefit, favour, gift, grace, joy, liberality, pleasure, thank (-s, -worthy).” This is so beautiful. The sufficiency God wants to give each one of us is that of self- satisfaction, contentedness, and competency!  I can be satisfied with myself, content, and have ability to do anything I need to do, with God’s help. This means we must accept for ourselves who God has made us to be, and what His word says about us. What a life of peace and joy awaits us when we do this. And this sufficiency, or “enoughness” is given with grace because we have a heavenly Father who delights to give good gifts to his children. We are acceptable to Him because He made us. Any deficiency we have He has made abundant provision to supply.

In seeing the beauty of this truth, I was then faced with a decision: I need to choose to accept for myself that God has not made a mistake in creating me. I can be content with who I am. All my needs He will supply. In being satisfied with who God made me to be, I can have peace. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says about what I do or what my capabilities are. I am enough. I can rewrite the history that Adam and Eve started so long ago and learn from their mistake by being content with who I am. I am enough, but my sufficiency is of God. His love provides the remedy to sin and the opportunity to restore the relationship with Him that was lost. As a human, I have limits, but in realizing and accepting that, I can go boldly to the throne of grace to obtain mercy and to find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16. Satan’s whole problem was that he coveted a place that he could never obtain, to “be like the most high.” He led our first parents in to the same deception. It is by returning to the position that God has given and a daily abiding in Him that with confidence I can say, “I am enough.”