Appropriate Church Responses to Domestic Violence, and Sexual Abuse
Satan’s Agenda is to Destroy Children
“I believe that there is a devil, and here’s Satan’s agenda. First, he doesn’t want anyone having kids. Secondly, if they do conceive, he wants them killed. If they’re not killed through abortion, he wants them neglected or abused physically, emotionally, sexually (and spiritually). One way or another, the legions of hell want to destroy children because children become the future adults and leaders. If they (legions) can warp or wound a child, he or she becomes a warped or wounded adult who passes on this affliction to the next generation.” -Terry Randall in TIME Magazine, October 21, 1991.
Destroy Human Relationships
“The reign of violence within many homes is evidence most basically of Satan’s kingdom at work destroying order, love and happiness in human relationships. And until we enter the arena of domestic violence willing to battle evil, our efforts to see violence stopped and families transformed will be ineffective at best. We cannot dismiss evil as some vague spiritual force that presides outside of human behavior. Evil is rooted in a superhuman personality: Satan. And when people are violent, hostile, argumentative, deceiving, accumulating, as it were, a treasure of evil goods within the economy of Satan - they gradually permit Satan to restructure their character and own them.
Prevent Exposure to Sin (Keep Secrets and Conceal Truth)
“Whether using psychological or theological language, the truth remains that acts of evil are acts of sin. They are assaults on God’s moral laws. They separate the evildoer from God and from fellow human beings. The result is that evil acts throw the individual into an abyss of aloneness. The destruction of a marriage, that earthy image of spiritual union with Christ and the most intimate of all human relationships, must certainly be a desired prize in the dominion of Satan. The church’s failure to effectively confront the problem of wife abuse, more than being just a reflection of a fundamental disregard for women or a fear of any challenge to a patriarchal system, is a reflection of the failure to recognize evil for what it is. Before Satan can be defeated, he must be identified. And, once identified, he must be fought on spiritual ground. The problem of wife abuse is not one of feminism, secular humanism, or a lack of headship in the home. It is the problem of evil - unseen and unopposed.” -James and Phyllis Alsdurf, Battered Into Submission. (Illinois: Varsity Press, 1986) pp. 61-62.
“One of the most shameful problems facing the vast majority of Christian church congregations is the epidemic of domestic violence that many of its families are suffering from. In the vast majority of cases it remains a carefully concealed sin.” – Dr. Frank Cosby, The Hidden Church Disease, Yahoo Contributor Network.
Statistics
In 1992, the Surgeon General, C. Everett Koop, stated that domestic violence perpetrated by males accounted for more adult female emergency room visits than traffic accidents, muggings, and rapes combined and is the single greatest cause of injury to American women. He declared it a national health crisis.- “From the Surgeon General, U.S. Public Health Policy,” Journal of the American Medical Association 267 (1192): 3132
In North America, approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often brothers, fathers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as 'friends' of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases. Most child sexual abuse is committed by men; studies show that women commit 14% to 40% of offenses reported against boys and 6% of offenses reported against girls. Most offenders who sexually abuse prepubescent children are although some offenders do not meet the clinical diagnosis standards for pedophilia. http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/Child+Molestation
Researchers for a study on Chicago's sex trade had suffered both physical and sexual abuse as children. The study, "From Victims to Victimizers: Interviews with 25 ex-pimps in Chicago," by researcher Jody Raphael and Brenda Myers-Powell, a former longtime prostitute, found a staggering 88 percent of those surveyed suffered physical abuse growing up, while 76 percent endured sexual abuse. In many cases, the abuse forced them to leave home early and turn to pimping to survive. - http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2010-09-15/news/ct-met-pimp-study-20100915_1_pimps-sexual-abuse-prostitution
Sadly, religion is NOT a deterrent… there is just as much abuse (spousal, child and sexual abuse) in Christian homes as in non-Christian homes. - Dr. Nancy Nason-Clark, 10/07/2006, When Terror Strikes the Christian Home; Keynote Address at The Awakening Conference, Ft. Lauderdale, FL;
The Solution
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” -Ephesians 6:12.
Champion the Cause Against Domeestic Violence & Sexual Abuse
“If the church is to be truly pro-life, how can it help but champion the cause of battered women? Being pro-life requires opposing abortion; it means taking a stance against all which stifles life and personhood. To be pro-life is to be for life. And violence by husband toward his wife (or vice-versa) is one obvious offence to the integrity of human life. The life of any individual cannot be sustained - body, soul and spirit when it is destroyed by violence, domination, fear and threat.” -James and Phyllis Alsdurf, Battered Into Submission. (Illinois: Varsity Press, 1986) p. 128.
Insist on Accountability for Abusers and Safety for Victims
Batterers, both male and female, should be referred to qualified domestic violence programs and counselors. Safeguard children and abused spouses who may attend the same congregation as the estranged batterer and adhere to protection order if one has been obtained by the victim. Meet with church leadership such as deacons, elders, pastors, and teachers to discuss how to protect and incorporate victims and abusers in the life of the church
Correctly Interpret Theological Symbols and Doctrines
“Our education, service and advocacy depend upon the adequacy of our theological vision–the way we interpret Scripture and tradition regarding relations between women and men, sex, marriage, parenting and violence. In this adventure of faith and thought, the victims of violence and violation can offer valuable guidance. We need to listen to their stories with an ear for the religious reflections that sustain capacities to survive, to heal and to flourish. A careful and respectful attention to the voices of the violated may also encourage the reconstruction of our theologies, as the experiences and interpretations of sexual violence cast new light on old theological symbols and doctrines.” -Lois Gehr Livezey, “Sexual and Family Violence: A Growing Issue for the Churches”. The Christian Century, October 28, 1987, p. 939.
Pastors need to address issues of power, control, and family violence when called upon to perform premarital counseling. Qualified religious and secular therapists, counselors, and resources for domestic violence victims should be personally known to the pastor and utilized for appropriate referrals. Clarification of the role of men and women in relationships, society, and abusive relationships should be spoken of explicitly from the pulpit. Children who grow up in a congregation that never declares its stance on their experience will think that either their experience is unusual and shameful, or that the church is out of touch with real life. Either impression is problematic.
Cooperate and Collaborate with Other Religious
and Secular Helpers
“The crisis of family violence affects people physically, psychologically, and spiritually. Each of these dimensions must be addressed, both for victims and for those in the family who abuse them. Approached from either a secular or religious perspective alone, certain needs and issues tend to be disregarded. This reflects a serious lack of understanding of the nature of family violence and its impact on people’s lives. Treatment of families experiencing violence and abuse requires integrating the needs of the whole person. Thus, the importance of developing a shared understanding and cooperation between secular and religious helpers to deal with family violence cannot be emphasized too strongly.” -Marie M. Fortune, A Workshop Manual for Clergy and Other Service Providers (1980) published by the Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence.
In order for domestic violence and sexual abuse to end, entire communities, including religious organizations, must take responsibility for this terror and work together to make a difference and end its occurrence.
Speak/Preach Against Abuse and Put into Practice
What We Preach
“To him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.” (James 4:17)
Many churches sit empty for most of the week, while social service agencies are desperate for space to hold support groups, informational meetings, and planning committees. Churches should partner with these agencies to provide a venue and financial support when possible, for the good work they do. This also allows the community to see that Christians don’t only speak peace; they support and participate in activities that are relevant to the quality of life in their community.
It is imperative that we as believers, do all that we can individually and corporately to assist victims, direct abusers to services, nurture children, and support the healthy function of families in our congregations. Many people have been turned off from religion because of the incongruities between a people who believe that Jesus came to set the captives free, and the continued subjugation of abuse victims. Men, women, and children suffer wherever abuse shows its ugly face. We must speak out against it in our private conversations and in our churches.
“And He came to Nazareth where He had been brought up, and, as His custom was, He went into synagogue on the Sabbath day, and stood up for to read. And there was delivered unto Him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when He had opened the book, He found the place where it was written. ‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because He hath sent me to preach the gospel to the poor; He hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.’” -Luke 4:18
“The Lord has told us what is good and acceptable in His sight. What is it that the Lord requires of us? It is to be just, to show mercy, and to walk humbly before our Lord.” -Micah 6:8. -(The Clear Word).
If a child lives with criticism, he or she learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he or she learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he or she learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he or she learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he or she learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he or she learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he or she learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he or she learns justice.
If a child learns with security, he or she learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he or she learns to like his or herself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he or she learns to find love in the world.
- Dorothy Law Nolte